Saturday, January 03, 2009

Rollercoaster of Love

Yesterday I got a phone call at work. It was Smitty, and I could tell when I answered that I was on speakerphone. I heard the unmistakable sounds of a zzrrrbt, and then the amazing sound of Sylvie laughing, over and over and over again. It was the best day.

Pi challenges me. I can only try my best to rise up to it. I fail often. He is stubborn, willful, defiant, and I am impatient and see only my own parenting faults in his acting out. I know that we will crack the code, and I keep repeating the age-old mantra, "This too shall pass", but it is difficult. I see the difference that meeting him with positivity makes - he is so verbal and brilliant, and I hope that he will soon develop some emotional vocabulary to help us through this, before I take the next relative who says "I could just take him home with me" at her word.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Life is good. Sylvie is beautiful. Pi had a challenging year with an aborted attempt at private pre-school due to Sensory Processing Disorder, but we are encouraged by the efficiency and compassion of our public school district and are working to get him placed in the right situation. I feel that it will happen and that he will be all right - my amazing boy. He can spell Cookie, Cake, Pie (sensing a theme here) Cart, Cat, and his name.

Sylvie smiles all the time, some very sweet and small, and others that take up her entire face with their radiant beams (those are mostly for Daddy), but she doesn't laugh very much. You have got to bring your Baby Comedy or Baby Tickling A-Game to the table to get a laugh out of her, but it is the sweetest music to our ears.

We are so blessed to be celebrating Sylvie's first Christmas, Pi's third, together as a family amongst all this bounty and beauty. Feeling the tiny snowflake presence of those who could not be here with us. Feeling so much love.

Friday, August 22, 2008


DOB - 8/19/08 at 10:19am.
Weight - 8lb, 12oz.
Length - 20in.
Hair - brown.
Eyes - blue.
Other attributes - small, cute, squeaky.

Friday, August 15, 2008


Yep, still waiting.

On August 11th, I had contractions that were regular, about 6-7 minutes apart, for almost 10 hours, and although they were uncomfortable, I wouldn't say that they were exceptionally painful or took all my attention. I was able to walk, breathe, putter around and eventually fall asleep.

By the morning of August 12th (my due date), the contractions were essentially gone and I had a major emotional meltdown. My wonderful doula, who is also a dear friend, came over and stayed all day, just to help me get over the disappointment of a stalled labor. I had a non-stress test at 8:15 that morning, and the baby did just fine. On August 13th, I had an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid, and that was also just fine, and the baby's heart was still beating away. Then I had a cervical check with my back-up OB, who didn't feel that my cervix was favorable for induction - even after all those contractions...sigh...

I have a doc appointment with my regular doctor on Wednesday - she's been on vacation since August 8th. I've decided that if my cervix looks good, we'll go for induction on August 22nd, and if it doesn't look good, we'll go for c-section on August 22nd. I'm not happy about submitting to further surgery, but it makes me really nervous to go too far post-dates. Pi was nine days late, and if Daffodil's birthday is August 22nd, that'll be 10 days. I think I've given her plenty of time to choose her birthday for herself.

I really just need to have an end point identified, especially after that long stretch of prodromal labor. I told my doula that it felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to take a dive that would surely be frightening, but also exhilarating and fun. So I'm just standing there, ready to take this great leap, processing all the emotions that go along with it, but the decision to actually jump is not mine to make. I have to wait for some outside cosmic force to propel me off the cliff and into my new adventure. I just can't teeter on this edge indefinitely.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Not even at my due date yet and I'm already going out of my tree. Pi was nine days late, so you'd think I'd be used to the waiting...not so much.

I'm just anxious to see her, to know for sure that she's OK, to hold her for myself and feel her breathing and her heartbeat. And I don't understand what on earth my body is doing right now.

With Pi, I lost my plug at 4:00 AM on a Saturday morning and went pretty immediately into regular, strong contractions that actually made me puke. I was at the hospital by 3:30 PM on Saturday and had him at 7:00 AM on Sunday.

Daffodil's plug came out at 2:00 AM on Saturday morning. August 2. Five days ago. Contractions are happening, and actually got kind of regular on Saturday, but petered out and haven't really come back with any strength or regularity since. Because I am "scary VBAC girl", the docs are nervous about letting me go past my due date, so we're probably looking at an induction on August 11th, which in one sense makes me relieved, but also makes the dream of the VBAC a bit more distant. It's definitely a lesson that every child is different, every labor and birth is different, but I'm already past marveling in the learning and am mired in the impatience and frustration stage.

I'm taking evening primrose oil, having acupuncture, getting my membranes swept (yowch) - I'm doing everything I can do to help this along. Smitty is being really great - encouraging, understanding, sweet. It's just really hard to be smacked in the face with the fact that this is truly not up to me, and I feel bad about forcing her to come out on Monday if she's obviously not ready yet. I have trouble just letting things go and be.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Full-Term & Change

Wow, this pregnancy just flew by. Our little Daffodil (Pi's chosen name for her) is now just over full-term and could make her debut any day! I'm 1.5 cm dilated and softening, but no effacement yet. I'm having about 10-20 contractions a day, depending on my activity level, and although they are not settling into a rhythm or feeling painful at all, they're definitely on a different scale than regular ol' Braxton-Hicks. The dates that keep popping into my head are July 28th and August 8th, so we'll see if either of those turns out to be Li'l Girl's birthday!

When we found out about the pregnancy, I was dreading these later weeks in the dog days of summer, but someone up there is smiling on us for living through last winter, and we have had a beautiful, moderate, temperate summer, which has been just perfect for me and I am truly thankful. Now if only I could blink my eyes and have all my work projects wrapped up and be able to take my leave RIGHT NOW!

Pi is doing well - some sense of the big event that's about to happen, but pretty much blissfully unaware of how his whole world will change - poor kid. Trying to make some happy summer memories - he's seen his first play and movie this summer (Lyle, Lyle Crocodile and WALL-E), seen some great fireworks, and gone out for ice cream a lot. He's also doing great in his swim class - after a bit of trepidation, he's adjusting well to being in the pool without Mommy, and swimming with his teachers. Good prep for pre-school starting this fall. Potty training remains challenging - one step forward, two steps back - but I'm really trying hard not to stress about it (in front of him, anyway; poor Smitty gets the full brunt of my potty-training angst) and just be up-front and honest with his progress to the pre-school teachers. My hope is that he can stay dry and clean during the mornings so that they won't really have to deal with anything too much. It's only a three-hour program, three days a week - we should be OK when the time comes.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Three and Sixty

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to Pi and his Pop-Pop...
Happy Birthday to you!