We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Life is good. Sylvie is beautiful. Pi had a challenging year with an aborted attempt at private pre-school due to Sensory Processing Disorder, but we are encouraged by the efficiency and compassion of our public school district and are working to get him placed in the right situation. I feel that it will happen and that he will be all right - my amazing boy. He can spell Cookie, Cake, Pie (sensing a theme here) Cart, Cat, and his name.

Sylvie smiles all the time, some very sweet and small, and others that take up her entire face with their radiant beams (those are mostly for Daddy), but she doesn't laugh very much. You have got to bring your Baby Comedy or Baby Tickling A-Game to the table to get a laugh out of her, but it is the sweetest music to our ears.

We are so blessed to be celebrating Sylvie's first Christmas, Pi's third, together as a family amongst all this bounty and beauty. Feeling the tiny snowflake presence of those who could not be here with us. Feeling so much love.

Sylvie

DOB - 8/19/08 at 10:19am.
Weight - 8lb, 12oz.
Length - 20in.
Hair - brown.
Eyes - blue.
Other attributes - small, cute, squeaky.

Overdue

Yep, still waiting.

On August 11th, I had contractions that were regular, about 6-7 minutes apart, for almost 10 hours, and although they were uncomfortable, I wouldn't say that they were exceptionally painful or took all my attention. I was able to walk, breathe, putter around and eventually fall asleep.

By the morning of August 12th (my due date), the contractions were essentially gone and I had a major emotional meltdown. My wonderful doula, who is also a dear friend, came over and stayed all day, just to help me get over the disappointment of a stalled labor. I had a non-stress test at 8:15 that morning, and the baby did just fine. On August 13th, I had an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid, and that was also just fine, and the baby's heart was still beating away. Then I had a cervical check with my back-up OB, who didn't feel that my cervix was favorable for induction - even after all those contractions...sigh...

I have a doc appointment with my regular doctor on Wednesday - she's been on vacation since August 8th. I've decided that if my cervix looks good, we'll go for induction on August 22nd, and if it doesn't look good, we'll go for c-section on August 22nd. I'm not happy about submitting to further surgery, but it makes me really nervous to go too far post-dates. Pi was nine days late, and if Daffodil's birthday is August 22nd, that'll be 10 days. I think I've given her plenty of time to choose her birthday for herself.

I really just need to have an end point identified, especially after that long stretch of prodromal labor. I told my doula that it felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to take a dive that would surely be frightening, but also exhilarating and fun. So I'm just standing there, ready to take this great leap, processing all the emotions that go along with it, but the decision to actually jump is not mine to make. I have to wait for some outside cosmic force to propel me off the cliff and into my new adventure. I just can't teeter on this edge indefinitely.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Not even at my due date yet and I'm already going out of my tree. Pi was nine days late, so you'd think I'd be used to the waiting...not so much.

I'm just anxious to see her, to know for sure that she's OK, to hold her for myself and feel her breathing and her heartbeat. And I don't understand what on earth my body is doing right now.

With Pi, I lost my plug at 4:00 AM on a Saturday morning and went pretty immediately into regular, strong contractions that actually made me puke. I was at the hospital by 3:30 PM on Saturday and had him at 7:00 AM on Sunday.

Daffodil's plug came out at 2:00 AM on Saturday morning. August 2. Five days ago. Contractions are happening, and actually got kind of regular on Saturday, but petered out and haven't really come back with any strength or regularity since. Because I am "scary VBAC girl", the docs are nervous about letting me go past my due date, so we're probably looking at an induction on August 11th, which in one sense makes me relieved, but also makes the dream of the VBAC a bit more distant. It's definitely a lesson that every child is different, every labor and birth is different, but I'm already past marveling in the learning and am mired in the impatience and frustration stage.

I'm taking evening primrose oil, having acupuncture, getting my membranes swept (yowch) - I'm doing everything I can do to help this along. Smitty is being really great - encouraging, understanding, sweet. It's just really hard to be smacked in the face with the fact that this is truly not up to me, and I feel bad about forcing her to come out on Monday if she's obviously not ready yet. I have trouble just letting things go and be.

Full-Term & Change

Wow, this pregnancy just flew by. Our little Daffodil (Pi's chosen name for her) is now just over full-term and could make her debut any day! I'm 1.5 cm dilated and softening, but no effacement yet. I'm having about 10-20 contractions a day, depending on my activity level, and although they are not settling into a rhythm or feeling painful at all, they're definitely on a different scale than regular ol' Braxton-Hicks. The dates that keep popping into my head are July 28th and August 8th, so we'll see if either of those turns out to be Li'l Girl's birthday!

When we found out about the pregnancy, I was dreading these later weeks in the dog days of summer, but someone up there is smiling on us for living through last winter, and we have had a beautiful, moderate, temperate summer, which has been just perfect for me and I am truly thankful. Now if only I could blink my eyes and have all my work projects wrapped up and be able to take my leave RIGHT NOW!

Pi is doing well - some sense of the big event that's about to happen, but pretty much blissfully unaware of how his whole world will change - poor kid. Trying to make some happy summer memories - he's seen his first play and movie this summer (Lyle, Lyle Crocodile and WALL-E), seen some great fireworks, and gone out for ice cream a lot. He's also doing great in his swim class - after a bit of trepidation, he's adjusting well to being in the pool without Mommy, and swimming with his teachers. Good prep for pre-school starting this fall. Potty training remains challenging - one step forward, two steps back - but I'm really trying hard not to stress about it (in front of him, anyway; poor Smitty gets the full brunt of my potty-training angst) and just be up-front and honest with his progress to the pre-school teachers. My hope is that he can stay dry and clean during the mornings so that they won't really have to deal with anything too much. It's only a three-hour program, three days a week - we should be OK when the time comes.

Three and Sixty

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to Pi and his Pop-Pop...

Happy Birthday to you!

Another Little Girl

Remembering my sweet Delilah today, on the anniversary of the procedure that separated her from me in body.

There will always be a part of us that remains together, baby girl. I wish you were here today.

Sisters and Brothers

Yes, it is true, if all continues to go well, Pi will be having a baby sister. I've already started reading Siblings Without Rivalry.

The sum total of Pi's interactions with the baby:

At the end of February, we went to visit my folks, so Smitty and I told Pi about the baby because it was sure to be the topic of conversation amongst my family and we didn't want Pi to be blindsided. I told him that there was a baby growing in Mommy's belly and that pretty soon (hopefully) it would come home to live with us, and he would be a big brother! He said, "Like in Just Like a Baby!", which we had been reading a lot lately. He then went on his merry way.

When my belly started to get pretty big, probably mid-March or so, I said, "Look how big Mommy's belly is! That's the baby growing in there! Would you like to say 'hello' to the baby, Pi?" He touched my belly and said, "Hello, baby", and then he poked his index finger into my belly button and said, "What are you doing in that hole?"

On March 26th, we found out that this baby is a girl, and we told Pi shortly thereafter that this baby would be his little sister. A few weeks later, I asked Pi what we should call his baby sister. He did his thinking face (index finger to corner of mouth, slight head tilt) and said, "Hmmm...I'm thinking of a yellow flower." I said, "Well, since spring is finally here, the daffodils are coming up - daffodils are a yellow flower." He said, "Yes! Daffodil!", so we've been calling the baby Daffodil while in utero. I told Pi that when she comes out, we may want to pick another name, but I hope they have the kind of relationship that will allow him to use "Daffodil" as his special nickname for her.

Yesterday, Smitty really felt her kicking from the outside - he'd felt smaller kicking events before, but this one was unequivocal. Smitty asked Pi if he wanted to feel the baby move, and Pi ran away, saying, "No! I don't want to feel the baby move! Close up Mommy's belly!"

...and so it begins...

The State of '08

"Let's talk about stress, bay-bee, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be..."

Yeah. It's been a while since we talked. Difficult times first:

Major work stress. Travel, overnight shifts (which are done now, thank GAWD), and preparing for four new store openings over the summer (two of which I will miss because of maternity leave, but I'm getting ahead of myself).

Illness - Colds, kidney stones, fevers, impending surgery - you name it, we've had it.

Weather - winter has been very tedious this year - every other day it snows another 2-4 inches. Driving sucks, and walking to the train isn't much better.

Typing it out in such brief, it really doesn't sound so bad, but it's all complicated by the Good Times:

Our second baby is due August 12th. Now, this is wonderful of course, but due to our complicated reproductive history, December of '07 and January of '08 were replete with not only intense nausea and crushing fatigue, but the emotional and psychological rollercoaster of wondering if this one would actually survive. So far it has, and is moving along very well. Our 14-week appointment yielded very low risk of the major trisomies and a heartbeat that sounded like galloping horses - very strong and very reassuring. I'm even starting to feel the little tickling and bubbling on the inside.

Pi continues to delight us - at almost three he is still using bottles, has no interest in potty training, and still sleeps in a crib, but his imagination and vocabulary are amazing. He makes up stories about his trains as he's playing with them - a constant monologue of "Today, on the island of Sodor...", "Bust my buffers!", and "James applied the brakes, but it was TOOOO LATE!"

Recent Pi gems include:

"Mommy, Daddy, I need your help! It's an emergency!" (Said while we were all playing on the bed together - no one injured, nothing on fire.)

"I will make soap soup! Soap is so delicious, Mommy!"

And we are finally getting some unsolicited "I love you"s - the other day, when he woke up, he wanted to play a game with one rule: I had to kiss him over and over again. It's my favorite game ever.

He insists on helping with every household project, especially making peanut butter &
jelly sandwiches and pancakes, and feeding the cats. Everything is very methodical and ritualized, including knocking on cabinet doors to see if the ingredients for our meal are indeed at home, and skipping a step causes much angst.

He's an intelligent, energetic, joyful person, and we are so lucky he's part of our family. Here's hoping lightning strikes twice!