Good vs Evil

It's so hard to keep up with everything that could potentially damage your child. I'm always doing something "wrong".

Recent things that I have done that have been called out by someone, somewhere, as being "bad":

1. Told my son he's smart (too much pressure!).
2. Told my son I'm proud of him (see above!).
3. Allowed my son to eat candy.
4. Allowed my son to watch television.
5. Enjoyed singing "Wheels on the Bus" (children should not be silenced by their parents).
6. Rocked my 2.5-year-old son to sleep after he has consumed milk from a polycarbonate plastic bottle.

I have been very surprised by the world of judgment that opens up as soon as you become a parent, which I'm sure has always been there, but is significantly amplified by the Internet. Being someone who cares too much about what other people think has obviously not prepared me well for this aspect of motherhood. I have tried to listen to my gut, which has gotten much better at communicating with me, but there's still quite a bit of simply crossing your fingers and hoping everything works out in spite of what you're doing. I suspect that in the end, I will continue to espouse the philosophy of the title of my blog; continuous obsession and worry over every little thing, while ultimately kicking back on the couch with a novel while my son plays with his Thomas Trains (evil-made-in-China-licensed-character-consumer-crap).

Perspective

My name is Cheek and I am a worrier. Worrying is both art and science for me, and I think I actually may be addicted to the brain alchemy that worry causes. Thus, how perfect for someone like me to end up with a child; something to worry about endlessly for the rest of my life! Yay!

One of the best parts of motherhood is looking back on a given time in my baby's development and saying to myself, "I can't believe I was so worried about ____." Distance provides perspective. When Pi was about 14 months old, I was worried that he would be speech-delayed. He was saying a few words, but he wasn't saying "Mama" or following a speech path that I thought I expected.

This past week, Smitty was watching Sunrise Earth, a peaceful nature show that looks badass on our still-new-and-exciting HD TV. The scene for this episode's sunrises was an idyllic farm in Vermont. Pi was checking out the cows and other farm animals, and then said, "Daddy, I see a barn in the ditz-tenantz." I don't remember ever teaching him that word or reading it in a book, and suddenly he busts it out in context.

I may have to find somewhere else to get my adrenalin fix.

Delilah's Day

We have a busy day today. We're going to an open house at a potential pre-school for Pi, and then tonight, Smitty and I are going to see Wicked (the tickets were my birthday present). There will not be much time in the day for reflection, but I'll know that today is the day my daughter should have been welcomed to our world.

I miss you, sweet girl. I wish you were here today.